Today I went somewhere, physically and spiritually. I went for two reasons and I stayed for only one. What I’m experiencing in my life is beautiful, joyful, and at times…not overwhelming…but more…mind boggling. And I have no one to share all this with. I can write about it, mention it in my talks, but that’s not the same as what I experienced this morning. Not usually, but sometimes I’m SO LONELY because there are no people in my life just to sit with in it or casually speak with about it all. But today I followed my murmuration and sat with people who share in all this…whatever all this is for them. They have a place where they can physically go to be with each other. And, I didn’t realize how much I crave this.
And by the way, I’m not really ever alone. I always have the support of something that’s always with me, supports me, guides me, and loves me unconditionally. But being with people who might understand what I’m feeling is important too.
Interesting to me, the other reason I went there I’m no longer interested in pursuing. This was a gift today and I don’t desire anything else. And today was a good day to show up. I’ve had a rare bee in my bonnet yesterday and the day before, still buzzing around even this morning as I started my day. It’s about wanting to spend more time writing, to noodle with a talk I’ll be giving, to research leads and look into some legal things I need to look into as I create this new idea I have to bring people together to share their inspiration. But, instead, I spent the past two days doing what I felt I should do… favors, errands, cooking (but not cleaning) and I was full out annoyed. It’s becoming more and more important that whatever I’m doing I’m doing with as much joy as I can. And I desire to allow for more time each day to play and work on my dreams and ideas, even longer meditations if I feel like it.
I exhaled when I entered that room today and it felt like that bee buzzed off somewhere else. I allowed myself to show up today as just me, just someone who wanted to feel all that love, and it was a very nice thing indeed. I’ve always run from churches. I don’t like repeating someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s words, believing a belief just because someone wrote it down a gazillion years ago. This part of my life I’m finally learning to speak my own words, uncover my own beliefs, to follow my heart, and to allow myself to be seen rather than hide. That hasn’t changed. But after following my murmurations today I see that I can have community without losing who I am, without compromising my own unique beliefs. I can have all that, feel a community of tremendous love…stay afterwards, get (and give) more hugs, and eat chocolate chip cookies. Murmurations are a good thing to follow, and I probably follow them more than I realize.