Category Archives: vulnerability

Three Bears Experience in Finding Support

Are you someone who has made big changes in your life?  Perhaps you’re opening to consider a bigger picture and there’s not a lot of people you can talk to about your experiences?  It’s natural to want to be around others who are also in a good space.  Or perhaps you’re struggling and could really use some support right about now.

It’s clear to me who the friends, acquaintances, and others are that I want to share all, or only certain parts of me with.  So it’s very important that I make time to meet with genuinely supportive people where I can bring all of me.

Connecting with someone can make our day, whether it’s on social media, or at one of those old school networking events, or meeting someone for a deeper conversation over coffee or lunch.  However, for me social media is not my first choice to connect with someone because typing into a little box to abbreviate myself is right up there with the all to common time-weary 30-second elevator talk.

That’s why a simple casual in-person meeting the other day meant so much to me.

All I did was get together with a couple of women for conversation and it was just what I needed.

In little more than one hour we shared what we’re experiencing and traded information and ideas.  We talked about how our work is going, what we’ve been learning, where our challenges are, and how we’re figuring things out as we go.  It was fun to honestly share that I truly have no idea what I’m doing and totally figuring it out as I go and yet that seems to be working really well for me.

Finding support is a little like the Three Bears story.  As I’m out and about connecting with others, some connections are just not quite right, or too much/too little, or oh hell nopexels-photo-207891

Sometimes the best connections can come from the least likely situations.

I imagine the Universe rubbing it’s hands together knowing that I’ll be learning a lot about myself and others as I put myself out in the world more.

It worked out that I decided to meet with those two women because our connection was just right.  Maybe it worked for me because I’m learning to listen with an open mind, realize that our experiences don’t have to be similar, I no longer water myself down because it’s not really an issue if someone doesn’t “get” me or visa versa.

And I trust that the right people will show up at the right time, especially as we let go of our less supportive relationships.  We all have some of those right?   Are you letting go of the limiting relationships in your life to make room for more fun and supportive connections?

 

 

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Winter nesting habits, fleece clothing, and fear

Right now my focus seems to be on baking pies, painting, and lazing around in my wonderful fleece lined yoga pants and faux fur slippers.   These yoga pants and slippers own me and I’m great with that.  I’ll take them off in April. 

Lounging around until whenever-ish, is pretty terrific.  It’s downright nurturing to just be.   However, I’m slacking around creating my ideas.  And yet, I still very much want to create those ideas.  See my dilemma?

I’ve got this.  All that’s needed is a little course correction.

When I don’t act on my good opportunities coming my way, the opportunities naturally dwindle.  And through a lack of action on my part, sometimes what is coming my way, is not really the best fit for me.  I’m certainly not giving my awesome intuitive guidance much to work with, as I let my side of the partnership laze.

It’s not as though my intuition will leave me as a result of me not taking action or following suggestions.  I’m also encouraged to create a lovely balance in my life, and that involves painting, cooking, relaxing, etc…  It’s unconditionally loving, and always supportive, assisting in every moment, no matter what.  But it is a relationship, a partnership, and my connection grows as I play and work with it, and take action around the information I receive.  We’re doing this together and, to a point, some action is required.

But there’s more.  It’s especially worth looking at why I’m not taking action.  It’s not all about the call of the wonderful winter nesting activities.   Quite honestly, there’s still a certain amount of me holding back out of fear.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being targeted.  Fear of being seen, my beliefs known, and being ostracized for them.  Those are no small fears.  So, this is when I ask that very same guidance to assist me with releasing those fears, once I’m more clear what they’re about.  In my case, usually those fears stem from “I’m not enough”, an old core belief of mine.  They happen less and less, but can still creep up when I’m feeling that my next steps are  a little or very challenging.

And yet, these fears are a wonderful opportunity.  They’re here to show me, Hey look, here’s that thing again.  Let’s look at it, receive clarity, clear it, and move on.   There’s a process that was shown to me for doing this.  Anyone can come up with their own version to consciously become aware, look at what’s there, as a way to understand and release it.  I may start with writing down my feelings, and then move on to meditation, and visualize releasing what I can to the highest form of light.

We all have our reasons for holding back.  It’s so worth it to honestly look at why we get a little stuck now and again.  It’s nothing to worry about and we’re all totally “unstuckable”.   Asking for help is a great start and assistance will be there.  Various pieces will show up to support us, and we’ll learn about ourselves.

I woke up this morning wanting to add a post script here.  Several years ago I spent a lot of time looking at and understanding more about where my limiting core self-belief came from.  It was work. There was focus, dedication, even tenancity, courage, and self-kindness.  I’m post-scripting because by no means was I suggesting that it’s fast and easy to release this kind of self-belief, <I’m not enough, I’m unworthy>.  But years ago I did deep work in this area and I was able to see where this self-belief came from. I realized that it was never about me, and I took responsibility for allowing that belief to be carried on by me for most of my life.  Without going into every detail, I’ll just say, this work was transformational.  It’s understandable that, now and again, speckles of this belief show up.  I feel it’s a gentle reminder and opportunity to remember who I really am. These speckles show up less and less, and for me now, are easier to notice, have clarity about what’s behind the feelings, and compassionately release the old belief and embrace my truth.  

Standing in our own personal power

It was a simple meeting…

How was it that afterwards, when I came home and had lunch with my husband, I cried?  As I tried to express myself between tears I kept saying Why do I feel this way?  What exactly happened?  My husband was also asking, how could you get so upset over a casual meeting with someone?  I don’t know why I feel this way, I blubbered into my salad while spilling dressing all over myself.  And I really didn’t.  I needed a minute (it took a week or so).  I was so done, sniffle, sniffle.

Embracing our differences

 

This experience was not really about a disconnection with someone or an awkward meeting I’d had the best of intentions for.  This was an opportunity for me to learn something about myself.

We’d met the previous week at her event and from what we both shared there, it seemed we were on the same wavelength.  While she didn’t intend for this, I felt deflated by her first question…so tell me, I know there’s more to your story.  There isn’t really much more I thought and all of a sudden I felt ordinary around someone who clearly was exuding ‘special’ and ‘expert’ as she shared all her highly unusual metaphysical experiences.  I felt like a duck out of water and no longer stood in my personal power.

Not a fun meeting and I take complete responsibility for feeling smaller.  I compared myself to someone else and fell into an old pattern of coming up short.  Watching an old belief pop up over a simple interaction, allowing old assumptions about myself to resurface, the more constricted I felt.

If this experience taught me anything it’s that I have my own lane, to embrace it, and to confidently stand in it.

More On Aligning With Our Purpose

Lately I feel like I’ve been shot out of a cannon.  Even as I type this post my keyboard can’t keep up with me and I have to keep pausing for the cursor to catch up.  I’m conflicted between wanting faster Internet, but not wanting to give Verizon more of my money.

Along with things feeling like they’re moving at the speed of light, are the inevitable growing pains associated with me being ok with being different.  Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 6.19.55 PMI’m coloring outside the lines and some days I own that, and some days I feel awkward and weird and weird (I know I typed that twice).  There are gazillions of people out there talking and writing about the very thing I’m talking and writing about.  We’re all doing our thing, each of us resonating with different people, as it should be.   But it’s clear that this line of work is not attracting approval from friends, family, or most strangers.  It isn’t mainstream.  Mark my words, once my book is published and I’ve given a TEDTalk, then I’ll get the approving sentiments, the clap on the back, but by then I won’t need their encouragement.

When aligning with our purpose we’re stretching ourselves.  You’re probably equally excited and terrified.  It’s understandable that you’re in need of a kind word, occasional words of encouragement.  Funny, we get impressed about where people work, what their titles are, how monetarily successful they are, if they’re published, what they drive, where they live, how they dress.  Meanwhile, we’re missing the magnificent that we pass on the sidewalk every single day, the great musician guy working at Trader Joe’s, or the folks we meet networking or at social events, that seem so ordinary, just like us…but, just like us, they’re amazing and they’re standing right in front of us.  Me.  You.  Not because we worked at stupid AOL years ago but because of who we are.  Maybe we should all wave while jumping up and down shouting “I’m right here!  I’m a magnificent human being…do you see it too?!”

You see yesterday, I had a gigantic moment.  I joined a group of ladies for a friend’s birthday and was asked what I do or if I was retired.  Answering her I said I’m a speaker and talk about spirituality, about looking to ourselves for the change we want for ourselves and the world.  Simple right?  And then, it felt so good to say that, I kept going.  Yupper, because I was sharing something that meant a lot to me I kept talking out of sheer nervousness as several faces politely listened to my monologue.  It’s like I gave myself a get out of jail card purging many decades of holding back and it came out in a torrent of words.  Then I told them my other idea I’m working on, cause evidently I wasn’t done talking yet.

We all have these moments that are big for us but others couldn’t possibly know because the moment is ours, not theirs.  It always feels good not trying to fit in, being my old self who used to hold back, worried I might “rock the boat” or stick out, afraid of being seen and heard.  Yesterday I talked too much about myself, stuck out, rocked the mainstream boat a little, as I talked about something many people don’t understand and probably think is strange for me to do.  Bite me.  I color outside the lines and happy that I do.  All I have to say is, if you’re reading this and you color outside the lines too, good!  Don’t stop.  Don’t hold back.  Be yourself, and show other people what it looks like to think differently, and to see how that pays off in unimaginable ways. Not everyone colors outside the lines and that’s ok too.  We should all be ourselves unapologetically.

For me, I know I’m experiencing a growth spurt.  No one else will recognize it.  But it’s here and I’m good with it and with all the vulnerable feelings that come along with it.  Stretching myself is always a challenge, but it gets easier, until…I reach my next challenge.  No question, I’d rather be in a space of growth than be stuck where I was.

Following my murmuration

Today I went somewhere, physically and spiritually.  I went for two reasons and I stayed for only one.   What I’m experiencing in my life is beautiful, joyful, and at times…not overwhelming…but more…mind boggling.   And I have no one to share all this with.  I can write about it, mention it in my talks, but that’s not the same as what I experienced this morning.  Not usually, but sometimes I’m SO LONELY because there are no people in my life just to sit with in it or casually speak with about it all.  But today I followed my murmuration and sat with people who share in all this…whatever all this is for them.  They have a place where they can physically go to be with each other.  And, I didn’t realize how much I crave this.

And by the way, I’m not really ever alone.  I always have the support of something that’s always with me, supports me, guides me, and loves me unconditionally. But being with people who might understand what I’m feeling is important too.

Interesting to me, the other reason I went there I’m no longer interested in pursuing.  This was a gift today and I don’t desire anything else.  And today was a good day to show up.  I’ve had a rare bee in my bonnet yesterday and the day before, still buzzing around even this morning as I started my day.  It’s about wanting to spend more time writing, to noodle with a talk I’ll be giving, to research leads and look into some legal things I need to look into as I create this new idea I have to bring people together to share their inspiration.  But, instead, I spent the past two days doing what I felt I should do… favors, errands, cooking (but not cleaning) and I was full out annoyed.  It’s becoming more and more important that whatever I’m doing I’m doing with as much joy as I can.  And I desire to allow for more time each day to play and work on my dreams and ideas, even longer meditations if I feel like it.

I exhaled when I entered that room today and it felt like that bee buzzed off somewhere else.  I allowed myself to show up today as just me, just someone who wanted to feel all that love, and it was a very nice thing indeed.  I’ve always run from churches.  I don’t like repeating someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s words, believing a belief just because someone wrote it down a gazillion years ago.  This part of my life I’m finally love-2111827_1280learning to speak my own words, uncover my own beliefs, to follow my heart, and to allow myself to be seen rather than hide.  That hasn’t changed.  But after following my murmurations today I see that I can have community without losing who I am, without compromising my own unique beliefs.  I can have all that, feel a community of tremendous love…stay afterwards, get (and give) more hugs, and eat chocolate chip cookies.  Murmurations are a good thing to follow, and I probably follow them more than I realize.

TMI

When I share with people that I give talks, I also share that I’m nervous about public speaking.  Totally TMI right?  However, even Adele tells people she’s scared when she sings to crowds, sometimes she tells the crowds just before she begins another song.  “I love you but you really really scare me”, is what I remember she said.

But I’m not Adele.  Publicly saying I’m nervous, especially while delivering my 30-second elevator speech, isn’t a winning strategy for attracting people to hire me.  You’d never know, at one time, I used to work in advertising.  Note to self:  must self-promote better.

I have other fears…like Copperhead snakes.  Yikes, they are a bad ass snake.  They don’t slither away from us, they hunker down, appearing to be a confident and secure snake…a good role model for the rest of their peeps.   Because we have a lot of them on our property, I wear my gardening boots to prevent a nasty problem.  Eazy peazy right?   But…being seen by ooodles of people?   Not so eazy peazy.  Sometimes I’m not as bad ass as I’d like to be.  microphoneEveryone knows that many people are nervous about public speaking.  That doesn’t help me!  And that very unhelpful factoid doesn’t mean that particular fear isn’t something for me to look at.  For me, it’s about how I feel about myself.   That I am not enough and I’m afraid you’ll see that too Way more challenging than dealing with Copperheads. 

But over the years, I worked on I’m not enough.  I learned to be more aware of what I was thinking about myself and the words I chose.  Over the years, I released many negative beliefs about myself, replacing them with way healthier ones.  But never skipping the valuable, but sometimes highly uncomfortable step, of looking inside of me to understand where all that came from, how it started, and why I kept believing it.  The more I understood, the more I let go of one limiting belief at a time.  If I do say so, the result was totally worth it.

If this fear is showing up again at this time, it’s because I’m stepping up to bigger opportunities and allowing more of me to be seen.  However, the art of looking and releasing is way easier and faster now, because I know to always look inside of me and to learn from that place.  Throughout the remainder of my life, I plan on acting on many of my dreams.  And if I’m not good enough shows up again?…  I keep looking until those beliefs completely disappear.

Ah Networking…Parlay This…

For whatever reason I woke up in the middle of the night and entertained myself by watching the stars outside our bedroom window, reviewing my day by reliving the networking lunch I attended.  I somehow composed in my head a much funnier blog post about networking than what I’m typing here.  But how nice that I was cracking myself up last night.  Funny or not, I had an epiphany about networking, or better yet…let’s call it…reaching out and connecting with others.

Creating my own vision and ideas requires that I also create the follow-up to those ideas.  That means it’s time to leave my awesome sunny house, pull myself away from watching the bird feeder activity, shake some hands and parlay connections to speaking opportunities.  Opportunities won’t drop into my life and bite me on my cute…well, you get the idea.  I have to take some action in order for the results to meet me where I am.

Therefore, yesterday I attended the second networking event in two weeks and I haven’t done that since the days I worked in the Corporate world.  Thankfully, I’m no longer mingling and talking about how I grow a company’s ROI through my strategic marketing plans.  Now I’m talking about our humanity, something 30 years ago I never would have guessed I’d be talking about.  Something that’s not the least bit mainstream and boy did I ever feel like I stuck out at this luncheon.  After my initial Sesame Street song moment…which of these things don’t belong?, when I took a breath and chilled, I realized I’m actually really great with sticking out because I can’t make much of a contribution if I water down the thought provoking ideas I’m sharing.

As I listened to the realtors, the beauty product and healthy food supplement sellers, those in fashion, IT, photography, floral arranging, marketing, travel, fitness, various support services, I realized we’re not so different after all.  pexels-photo-70292Just like me, it seemed like every person that attended that luncheon desires a meaningful life.  They either genuinely already feel good about what their work is or want to.  Purposeful work is a heartfelt desire but often isn’t pursued for a gazillion reasons.  When I was ready to move into what I’m doing now I had to let go of don’t attract attention to you.  And here I am, an introvert networking to find public speaking opportunities where I’ll be seen and heard.  Introverted or extroverted, as we create connections we all show our vulnerabilities as we allow each other to see where we are in our personal process.  I’m sure I wasn’t the only person feeling awkward.

Ok, so in the past, networking has been nowhere near as fun as a walk in the woods, music, painting, taking photographs, or going to the dentist. But my new intention is to have fun with it because it’s about connecting with others and isn’t that what my work is all about?  And I can use networking to practice telling what I do in a New York minute (fat chance), assist someone with one of my contacts, parlay it into a newfound acquaintance, or let it lead to a sweet speaking opportunity.  I’m good now at allowing for and enjoying what’s within to assist me.  Now it’s time to get out of my own way and gratefully let it also assist, through people.