Category Archives: being

“Teach Me/I’m Not Enough”

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Our choices are speaking to us through how we feel.  I’m feeling that my choice of attending certain groups is not serving my best interest.  I’m feeling that if I have to listen to one more someone, or many someones, offering something to assist us I just might scream.  While the intention comes from a good place, I’m over it.  That’s just me.  But could it be you too?

It’s a balance worth creating; working on oneself and being joyful.

For example, I’ve noticed I’ve been sliding out of balance.  I’ve been frequenting women’s groups and networking events.  The upside is I’m meeting some very nice people.  The downside is I’m surrounded by women striving to be more and being spoken to by women wanting to teach us to be our best (better) selves.  More financially successful, more skilled, more better at something.  You may wonder if there’s a problem with that?  Well, frankly, yes!

Because I’m sitting smack dab in the middle of “I’m Not Enough” energy and I FEEL anything but empowered.  I FEEL yucky.  And, surprisingly my growth feels stunted not expansive.

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There are multitudes of women in these groups selling their gifts of skills and knowledge.    Could one of us possibly be their next client?  Could we be the one who is lacking in some skill they’re qualified to teach?

I dream of inciting anarchy by imploring my fellow attendees to bolt.   My plan is we sneak out before the dreaded 30-second elevator speeches start.  We meet at the nearest coffee or beer joint for a regular old-fashioned conversation where no one is giving their testimony or selling their wares.  While smiling, I gently smack my fellow anarchists upside the head and shout…

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  • Stop trying so hard!
  • You’re already perfect (in a very normally imperfect way) so relax
  • Ease up on working on yourself so much ok?
  • Have way more fun, be lightness and you’ll create your dreams
  • You don’t NEED to become more
  • Learn but only what you really feel drawn to and don’t be drawn to EVERYTHING!
  • For crying out loud, you have the answers, you just have to LOOK for them
  • You have to do your own (inner) work – there’s no shortcut!
  • But you can totally do “this”
  • Your teachers are only offering their suggestions and tools
  • Learn from them sure, but at some point, you’ll discover your own best tools to assist yourself.  I promise.

My attending these women’s groups is no accident.  I’m learning how strongly I feel about what I’m writing about in this post.

When given the opportunity, I stand up in front of people as I teach through talks, classes, and workshops.  And oh man do I teach you can do this yourself because that’s exactly what I’ve had to learn.  Because I’m a recovering learner junkie.

I had to learn how to grow in the most empowered and joyful way.  And I’m still learning this.  Instead of being in a structured women’s group, I get more out of going out for coffee with a couple of women.  And, that’s because we’re truly connecting in a genuine way and conversational way where we get to know each other and LEARN FROM EACH OTHER.  But that’s true for me.  You may have an entirely different experience.

All I’m saying is pay attention to how you FEEL when you’re attending these types of events or sitting with a friend or acquaintance.  It’s your feelings that are teaching what’s best for you.

I feel that the best thing we can all do for ourselves is allowing for more joy, more fun, more US in the best way possible.  Rather than focusing on what you’re not good at.  Choose what it is you want to learn and just work on that one thing.  Take a class, get a coach, or read a book.  But learn when to switch things up to bring more joy in by paying attention to how you FEEL.

You may want to improve in a certain skill, improve your relationships, feel better about yourself, deepen your experience with life, or discover meaningful work you’d like to be passionate about. HOWEVER, what will assist you the most, is keeping an eye on maintaining balance in your life and being joyful by doing those things that bring you light.

It’s hard to be light and joy when you’re sitting smack dab in the middle of “I’m not enough” or “I need to be more” energy.  Get out of it by going for a walk.  Doing your hobby.  Create joy and light to ensure a healthy balance to FEEL good.  Because when we’re in a lighter mindset we bring more opportunities, lessons, experiences, that contribute to our growth and happiness.

It’s impossible to feel light when we’re working so hard on ourselves.  Years ago when I was working on looking at some heavy issues from my past, it was a small percentage of inner work and a larger percentage of cultivating joy.

I made time for my inner work and the rest of the time was focused on learning how to be joyful.

Open to what’s best for you rather than what you think you need.  So if you can learn and be light and joy at the same time go for it!  Be aware of how you spend your time.

Be judicious about what energy you’re creating and how you feel as you sit in that energy.

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Trusting And Learning What Our Feelings Are Showing Us

How many times do you feel your feelings, and wonder what those feelings are conveying to you?  Sometimes we tend to take our feelings for granted and go all auto-pilot about them.

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To experience a deeper connection with ourselves, it’s a good idea to pay attention to both our good, and not so good feelings.  Both types of feelings are teaching us about how we’re thinking, reacting, and processing our experiences, all the way to what we’re creating as a result.

When it isn’t obvious why we’re feeling badly, we might take a minute to be aware we might just find out why we’re feeling the way we do.  The other day I was at my computer for hours and I guess I wasn’t a happy camper. I kept thinking just a little more time and I’ll be done.  I was pushing through my icky feelings.  But at some point, I felt awful and asked myself why.  And I just knew it was time to walk away and do anything else but what I had been doing.  Anything to bring a little more joy in.

And how do we cultivate bringing higher feelings in?  Being aware of what brings us joy.  We all love vacations right?   But why do we feel so good on vacation?  When we know specifically what makes us feel good we can bring more of those simple things into every day.  I can’t afford to jump on a plane every week to vacation in order to feel amazing vacation feelings.   But I can think about what it is I loved about vacation experiences, and bring more of those nice feelings into my week.  It’s about adventure, enjoying great food, inspiring views, seeing new people in a different culture, and appreciating architecture.  If I dig deeper, I also realize I love learning and connecting with people.  There’s lots of laughter because I feel relaxed and carefree since it’s about having fun.  Some of what I feel is inspiration.  I’m inspired by the buildings, food, people, and art.

So on any given day, I can be sure I’m learning, doing something that relaxes me, taking time to experience art, connect with people at a class or some other new social event.  Maybe it’s just reading my favorite design magazine on a break from work or heading off to a museum.  Perhaps it’s driving into town for lunch or trying a new restaurant.  Could be I make time for a walk in the woods.  Duh right?  But putting myself first ahead of my to-do punch list took practice at first.

For example keeping up on social media often is un-fun to me.  For now anyways.  I know now what part of my work inspires me and I’m focusing more on that part, rather than the work tasks that constrict me.  Perhaps the tasks that I really don’t enjoy doing, I can do less of, or allow someone else to handle them.  If not, I can play music while I’m tackling them and take lots of breaks.

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We can begin to see how easy it is to create opportunities that foster higher emotions.  We can learn to feel better.  This is really helpful when we encounter the inevitable smaller cracks our sidewalk so to speak.

This is important to practice regarding the bigger picture as well.  There are a lot of confusing and troubling things going on in the world right now.  It’s good for us and it’s also good for our world if we’re all living in our higher emotions rather than our lower emotions.  Takes focus, practice, and it takes kicking the attraction to negativity to the curb.  How we feel is so important to what we’re creating in every moment, even the more seemingly insignificant moments of our day.

Being aware of our feelings in an ordinary day, with ordinary experiences, and consider making even tiny changes in our thoughts and actions, can lead to creating a better experience for ourselves (and our world).

 

 

Winter nesting habits, fleece clothing, and fear

Right now my focus seems to be on baking pies, painting, and lazing around in my wonderful fleece lined yoga pants and faux fur slippers.   These yoga pants and slippers own me and I’m great with that.  I’ll take them off in April. 

Lounging around until whenever-ish, is pretty terrific.  It’s downright nurturing to just be.   However, I’m slacking around creating my ideas.  And yet, I still very much want to create those ideas.  See my dilemma?

I’ve got this.  All that’s needed is a little course correction.

When I don’t act on my good opportunities coming my way, the opportunities naturally dwindle.  And through a lack of action on my part, sometimes what is coming my way, is not really the best fit for me.  I’m certainly not giving my awesome intuitive guidance much to work with, as I let my side of the partnership laze.

It’s not as though my intuition will leave me as a result of me not taking action or following suggestions.  I’m also encouraged to create a lovely balance in my life, and that involves painting, cooking, relaxing, etc…  It’s unconditionally loving, and always supportive, assisting in every moment, no matter what.  But it is a relationship, a partnership, and my connection grows as I play and work with it, and take action around the information I receive.  We’re doing this together and, to a point, some action is required.

But there’s more.  It’s especially worth looking at why I’m not taking action.  It’s not all about the call of the wonderful winter nesting activities.   Quite honestly, there’s still a certain amount of me holding back out of fear.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being targeted.  Fear of being seen, my beliefs known, and being ostracized for them.  Those are no small fears.  So, this is when I ask that very same guidance to assist me with releasing those fears, once I’m more clear what they’re about.  In my case, usually those fears stem from “I’m not enough”, an old core belief of mine.  They happen less and less, but can still creep up when I’m feeling that my next steps are  a little or very challenging.

And yet, these fears are a wonderful opportunity.  They’re here to show me, Hey look, here’s that thing again.  Let’s look at it, receive clarity, clear it, and move on.   There’s a process that was shown to me for doing this.  Anyone can come up with their own version to consciously become aware, look at what’s there, as a way to understand and release it.  I may start with writing down my feelings, and then move on to meditation, and visualize releasing what I can to the highest form of light.

We all have our reasons for holding back.  It’s so worth it to honestly look at why we get a little stuck now and again.  It’s nothing to worry about and we’re all totally “unstuckable”.   Asking for help is a great start and assistance will be there.  Various pieces will show up to support us, and we’ll learn about ourselves.

I woke up this morning wanting to add a post script here.  Several years ago I spent a lot of time looking at and understanding more about where my limiting core self-belief came from.  It was work. There was focus, dedication, even tenancity, courage, and self-kindness.  I’m post-scripting because by no means was I suggesting that it’s fast and easy to release this kind of self-belief, <I’m not enough, I’m unworthy>.  But years ago I did deep work in this area and I was able to see where this self-belief came from. I realized that it was never about me, and I took responsibility for allowing that belief to be carried on by me for most of my life.  Without going into every detail, I’ll just say, this work was transformational.  It’s understandable that, now and again, speckles of this belief show up.  I feel it’s a gentle reminder and opportunity to remember who I really am. These speckles show up less and less, and for me now, are easier to notice, have clarity about what’s behind the feelings, and compassionately release the old belief and embrace my truth.  

5 Things I’m Doing For Myself

1- Use only the most helpful and positive technology.  Last month I downloaded the Insight Timer, an app for meditation.  It’s become very important to me that I do some group meditations now and again.  Through the Insight Timer app, I joined a Global Meditation Group that periodically meditates for planetary peace and well-being.  Plus I’ve created a few meditation presets with and without background sound, with varying time limits.  And, I’m connecting with people all over the world.  Technology is here and I’m good with technology if we can use it to support ourselves.  https://insighttimer.com/

2-Join groups for support.  There are a few meditation groups in my area and I’ve been sitting in on their group meditations, in-person (not virtually, as with the app I just mentioned).  I found all of these meditation groups on Meetup.  And all are based on mindfulness meditation practices.  Most of these groups have someone who leads the meditation, offers a message that we can then offer our response to.  We share how we feel and, from listening, we can become more clear.  Plus, I just like the connection I feel from a group meditation.  https://www.meetup.com/

3-Play.  I just finished an art class in pastels, a new medium for me to learn.  Every time I play with art I have to learn that it’s not about striving for more talent in an effort to become an accomplished artist, but more to let go, have fun and play.  This is a good way to feel about art because it takes me away from comparisons, from negative self-talk and instead, I learn to see something beautiful in what I create.  Self-deprecation is not a friend.  Humility is an admirable characteristic, but only to a point.  I’m all in favor of looking at our art, our music, whatever our passion is, and to recognize the awesomeness of what we’re creating, regardless of how it compares to others.

Speaking of creating…

4-From dawdling to prioritizing.  When I doubt myself, get scared, I can procrastinate which way the hair blows down the back of a gnat’s ass.  However, what I really want is to continue taking steps to create my dreams and ideas.  I have a habit of first cleaning the house, then cooking, maybe paying bills, running errands, and then, if there’s time, working on my ideas.  Rather, on a good day, when I prioritize first what my passion is, I’m sending a message to both the universe and to myself that my dream is important.  The more I prioritize my dreams, the more I open to the next steps to act on my ideas.  I begin to receive assistance in all kinds of ways.  And, I’ve asked for assistance when stuck in procrastination mode.  Even as I’m dawdling, I’ll ask for assistance for moving forward, and an opportunity will show up gently encouraging me forward.

5-Practice awareness.  Becoming aware of how assistance is coming through for me.  Becoming aware of my self-talk and thoughts.  Especially becoming aware of my heart as I meditate, as I meet with someone, even as I’m out doing something as mundane as grocery shopping.  Ok, I’m human so I’m not aware all the time, but I am more and more, and it’s making a positive difference in my life from the way I hold myself to the connection I feel.  This past week, I was at a holiday party for a wonderful non-profit, and as their volunteers were being recognized, I stood there watching and thinking “May everyone feel peace, love, support, and a sense of cooperation, and collaboration”.   To me, they’ve been creating exactly that, peace, love, support, cooperation, and collaboration.  It was kind of a metta (loving kindness) meditation while standing in a room full of people.  And then a funny thing happened, my raffle ticket won the big raffle prize and I was shaken out of my reverie big time.  In the next moment I was thanking people, shaking hands, and having my photo taken and walked away with a high-end sailing jacket.  For a long minute (maybe two hours or so), I felt guilty for winning that jacket because I only volunteered one to three times for that organization.  My husband had to talk me off the ledge by reminding me it was a raffle ticket that anyone was able to win, any active volunteer like himself, or a non-volunteer, anyone who attended the party.  I kicked my guilt to the curb, allowed myself to be thankful for winning the lovely gift, shut-up, and enjoyed the moment.

One more thing, and this brings it to six, not five, but who’s counting?

6-Watch less TV!  My husband and I have really gotten into a rut of watching TV.  Granted, they’re not violent shows, but there’s usually something upsetting happening at some point.  night-television-tv-theme-machinesHere’s the deal.  My brain or body doesn’t know the difference between real life and the make-believe lives on TV.  So when I watch a TV show and get attached to the characters and the story lines, it’s like it’s really happening.  The emotions I feel, the tension in my body, are a result of watching the show.  What’s worse, later on I may still think about it as I fall asleep, or when I wake up.  That’s why I watch the news almost not at all.  It stays with me and revisits me, visually and emotionally, until I feel dis-empowered, depressed, and hopeless and then I’m no good to anyone.  It’s important to remember that everything has an energy,  and what we take into our bodies affects us visually, emotionally, and physically.  In our world, when my husband and I watch TV, one of us isn’t playing guitar, the other isn’t painting, we’re not sitting in front of the fire listening to music, or talking to each other.  TV is a time suck and we have too many interests for time sucks.  It rarely adds to my life, and it’s addictive.  pexels-photo-688019So, in an effort to get back to a good balance, we just finished eating our chili in front of the fire, and I’m now writing this post in front of the fire.  The TV is in the other room, and it’s off.

 

Our moods have a lot to do with how we are being and what we’re creating.  Can you think about how you’re supporting yourself (or not) by your patterns and habits?  It’s so worth a look.  Little steps can make a huge difference in our lives.  It’s fun to learn how we can create big change in our lives, from taking small positive steps.

 

 

I recently met Joy

Do you ever feel that you’re all in your head, thinking about this or that?  Oh, I sure do.  I wonder about and consider things so much, that I tend to go seriously serious.  Granted, while a lot of what I’m considering is fascinating and worthy of much consideration, it’s not my intention, but my “thinkiness” holds me back and dampens my mood.  It’s impossible for me to be both analytical and joyful at the same time.  Knowing this, I head off to my favorite local hiking trail to enjoy myself.  IMG_9188 copy

Still pondering universal naval fluff, I focused on my breathing and on navigating my way around the newer trails.  On my return route I saw a man and his puppy heading my way.  The minute I saw the puppy I felt my heart jump.  He was happy to see me too.  He jumped up licking my hand, did a couple of pirouettes, jumped up and licked my hand again.  It was a love fest.  I chatted for a couple of minutes with his person while I petted this adorable puppy.  It was time to continue in our opposite directions.  After a couple of steps, I looked back and saw the puppy had stopped and was looking at me.  He seemed to be wondering “you’re not coming with us”?  I said goodbye and turned back to my walk.  I never asked his person what the puppy’s name was, but I would have named him Joy.  Imagine people asking what’s your dog’s name and answering “this is Joy”!   Joy showed up at just the right time, excitedly encouraging me to get out of my head and to choose lightheartedness.

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We Contribute, One Thought at a Time

In spite of all the tragedies, natural disasters, polarization, political controversies, including corporate, political, and personal abuse, I still believe each of us everyday, seemingly ordinary human beings, are bringing about more peace, love, and light, in the world.

I don’t own a major company, and most people don’t even know I’m on the planet, but I feel I’m doing my part.  I certainly didn’t wow the educational system or set the corporate world on fire, but in my own way I know I’m contributing.  I have a small following, but I’m still making my impact.   Sometimes it’s a struggle for me to find the most eloquent words to write or to speak, but still I believe I’m able to make a difference.  Everyone makes a difference in the world.  Everyone.

I really believe we beneficially contribute to the world even more so through feeding our spirit by doing what brings us joy, and living from lighter and higher emotions.  As each of us create avenues for positive change in ourselves, all of humanity benefits as well.

Every time we laugh we make a contribution to the collective consciousness.  Every time we’re inspired by a work of art, a book, a film, a conversation, our resulting inspired thoughts and feelings ripple out to all.  When we choose to think a beautiful thought, among so many other kinds of thoughts we could choose to think, we’re contributing to mankind.  When I cook one of my vegan meals and my husband opts in and valiantly eats every bite out of love, he’s contributing because he’s melting my heart with every bite.  No moment is too silly or insignificant.

Most everyone knows that kindness towards someone else, directly contributes to whom the kindness is directed to.  But it’s easy to forget to be kind to ourselves, especially when things get tough.  Self-kindness is a gift to ourselves.  It’s also a gift to others because the beneficial feelings ripple out to all.  How we feel as we go about our day, touches many.  How we’re spending our time.  Joyful, fun, interesting, rewarding?  Or, do we feel constricted?  What are our feelings telling us?  What kinds of thoughts are we holding?  Are they positive or negative thoughts?  What kinds of words are we using?  Lighthearted, humorous, or inspiring, or negative, self-deprecating, or limiting?  Are we taking action on our dreams?   What kinds of habits do we have?

As we become aware of ourselves, open to our light and personal strength, we can’t help but consciously create a more loving, compassionate, joyful experience for ourselves, and the world.  Each of us becomes a light for each other.

For me, the higher I take my feelings by honoring myself with better thoughts and habits, the less I want to name-call any name-callers, or hate the haters.  It also seems especially counter-intuitive to me, to tear down those that tear down others.

I can’t think of a better time for more and more of us to realize our self-worth, our strength, our personal power.  We hold back and hope that someone more qualified, more awesome, more special, more divine, will improve things.  But we’re all already that.  The solution isn’t with an elected official, world leader, or famous what’s-her/his-name, it’s everyone, the collective us.   We’re positively impacting the world as we

  • Lead with our best effort in more moments
  • Create positive messages and take positive actions
  • Act on our own beneficial ideas and solutions
  • Collaborate
  • Support one another
  • Believe in better possibilities

How we are being, how we are taking care of ourselves, is how we evolve our communities, our world governments, corporations, financial systems, educational institutions, healthcare, our world, our hearts, our consciousness, our humanity.

While each of us is having our own individual life experience, we are one spirit and one humanity.

two kids humanityWhatever experiences we’re in the midst of, whether we’re lighthearted, sad, confused, or joyful, we still connect with each other.  We transform ourselves and the world, one beneficial thought at a time, and through even the smallest human gesture.

What do you think?  Do you see yourself individually and collectively, contributing?

Gardening and the art of slowing down

The other day I drove home in the middle of the day with garden supplies and noticed two deer meandering on our property.  They were in no hurry and seemed pretty content.  And then I felt contentment, though I did wonder if they just munched a little on our redbud sapling.  When they heard my car come down the dirt road one looked back at me and hung out while I experienced him or her.  Moments like that make me want to shout how much I love living here.

My husband and I bought this home in 2015.  I love the huge windows, the skylights, the woods, the deer, the birds, the fox, the moon and the stars (I know you can find them anywhere), and the wind chimes I placed next to the bench I sit on.  Not so much the Copperheads but so far we haven’t seen one yet this spring.  I’m so grateful and especially for our back yard garden area project.  You know that expression “it’s about the journey”?   Well, for me that’s so true, and it’s this house and our garden area that reminds me to just enjoy every day and not worry so much about getting things done or doing more.

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Working in the garden, adding more shade plants, tending to what we have, is a big enough adventure for me right now.  And I get to step back and see how it all looks and how lush it’s becoming.  Actually our property behind the house needs a bit of work to match our vision for a shade garden, but we’re in no hurry.  We’ll buy more new plantings in the fall, with the exception of planting some ground cover in the next couple of weeks, before it turns blistering hot here.

The more I work outside in our yard, the more I realize that being in a hurry and busy is not path to happiness for me.  Deadlines, other’s expectations, social events, networking, even travel which I usually love, just doesn’t do it for me right now.  I need breaks and lots of them and gardening, painting, writing, feel good to me right now.  When I relax I enjoy.  The tricky part is creating a balance between creating my ideas around my work, and time for me to just sit still.  There will be a time when I’ll want to do more, just not at this time.  When I start to feel like I should be further along in with bringing my ideas to action, or utter the words “I should be…by now”, that’s a clue to switch gears and chill.  Unexpectedly, the best opportunities show up when we create a good balance between doing and being.  Maybe things will take a little longer but I’m a big believer in everything happens at the right time, in the right way anyway.