Monthly Archives: April 2018

“Teach Me/I’m Not Enough”

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Our choices are speaking to us through how we feel.  I’m feeling that my choice of attending certain groups is not serving my best interest.  I’m feeling that if I have to listen to one more someone, or many someones, offering something to assist us I just might scream.  While the intention comes from a good place, I’m over it.  That’s just me.  But could it be you too?

It’s a balance worth creating; working on oneself and being joyful.

For example, I’ve noticed I’ve been sliding out of balance.  I’ve been frequenting women’s groups and networking events.  The upside is I’m meeting some very nice people.  The downside is I’m surrounded by women striving to be more and being spoken to by women wanting to teach us to be our best (better) selves.  More financially successful, more skilled, more better at something.  You may wonder if there’s a problem with that?  Well, frankly, yes!

Because I’m sitting smack dab in the middle of “I’m Not Enough” energy and I FEEL anything but empowered.  I FEEL yucky.  And, surprisingly my growth feels stunted not expansive.

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There are multitudes of women in these groups selling their gifts of skills and knowledge.    Could one of us possibly be their next client?  Could we be the one who is lacking in some skill they’re qualified to teach?

I dream of inciting anarchy by imploring my fellow attendees to bolt.   My plan is we sneak out before the dreaded 30-second elevator speeches start.  We meet at the nearest coffee or beer joint for a regular old-fashioned conversation where no one is giving their testimony or selling their wares.  While smiling, I gently smack my fellow anarchists upside the head and shout…

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  • Stop trying so hard!
  • You’re already perfect (in a very normally imperfect way) so relax
  • Ease up on working on yourself so much ok?
  • Have way more fun, be lightness and you’ll create your dreams
  • You don’t NEED to become more
  • Learn but only what you really feel drawn to and don’t be drawn to EVERYTHING!
  • For crying out loud, you have the answers, you just have to LOOK for them
  • You have to do your own (inner) work – there’s no shortcut!
  • But you can totally do “this”
  • Your teachers are only offering their suggestions and tools
  • Learn from them sure, but at some point, you’ll discover your own best tools to assist yourself.  I promise.

My attending these women’s groups is no accident.  I’m learning how strongly I feel about what I’m writing about in this post.

When given the opportunity, I stand up in front of people as I teach through talks, classes, and workshops.  And oh man do I teach you can do this yourself because that’s exactly what I’ve had to learn.  Because I’m a recovering learner junkie.

I had to learn how to grow in the most empowered and joyful way.  And I’m still learning this.  Instead of being in a structured women’s group, I get more out of going out for coffee with a couple of women.  And, that’s because we’re truly connecting in a genuine way and conversational way where we get to know each other and LEARN FROM EACH OTHER.  But that’s true for me.  You may have an entirely different experience.

All I’m saying is pay attention to how you FEEL when you’re attending these types of events or sitting with a friend or acquaintance.  It’s your feelings that are teaching what’s best for you.

I feel that the best thing we can all do for ourselves is allowing for more joy, more fun, more US in the best way possible.  Rather than focusing on what you’re not good at.  Choose what it is you want to learn and just work on that one thing.  Take a class, get a coach, or read a book.  But learn when to switch things up to bring more joy in by paying attention to how you FEEL.

You may want to improve in a certain skill, improve your relationships, feel better about yourself, deepen your experience with life, or discover meaningful work you’d like to be passionate about. HOWEVER, what will assist you the most, is keeping an eye on maintaining balance in your life and being joyful by doing those things that bring you light.

It’s hard to be light and joy when you’re sitting smack dab in the middle of “I’m not enough” or “I need to be more” energy.  Get out of it by going for a walk.  Doing your hobby.  Create joy and light to ensure a healthy balance to FEEL good.  Because when we’re in a lighter mindset we bring more opportunities, lessons, experiences, that contribute to our growth and happiness.

It’s impossible to feel light when we’re working so hard on ourselves.  Years ago when I was working on looking at some heavy issues from my past, it was a small percentage of inner work and a larger percentage of cultivating joy.

I made time for my inner work and the rest of the time was focused on learning how to be joyful.

Open to what’s best for you rather than what you think you need.  So if you can learn and be light and joy at the same time go for it!  Be aware of how you spend your time.

Be judicious about what energy you’re creating and how you feel as you sit in that energy.

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“There Must Be More To You…”

The following paragraph is from one of my favorite books.

“…spiritual growth is learning to make your life work in every area, from your relationships to your career, as you put your spiritual light into everything you do, bring awareness and love to all your activities, and turn every experience into an opportunity for growth, you are being your higher self.” 

Years ago I hadn’t learned how much action, the steps, that growth takes.  I didn’t know that it takes work, awareness, looking at me and my patterns, habits, and experiences.  Instead, when I initially started opening to new ideas I was mostly just a sponge, watching others, and studying to be more like them.

I thought I only had to soak up information from reading, attending classes/workshops, and listening to spiritual leaders and then I’d have awesome mystical experiences that would knock my socks off, and result in a deeper experience of life and myself.

But no.  That’s not how it works.

And yet I persisted in looking anywhere but at myself.  I watched the “spiritual” people who not so much walk but seemed to float into rooms.  You know the ones that speak as if they’re right out of a Kripalu course catalog?   My focus was on them not me.  I assumed these beautiful ethereal individuals must have deeply meaningful lives and feelings of well-being and I wanted that because, back then, I so didn’t have that.

 

As I watched these seemingly awesome people I wondered, what was in their drinking water?  Where did they learn to speak the flowery way they did?  Their yoga poses were perfection, and their outward appearances exuded the epitome of calm, peace, and hipness.  Frankly, they annoyed the s_ _t out of me.

At some point, I tired of it all. The yoga studios and their spiritual growth workshops, the best selling books, the advice and philosophy from various leaders throughout the world. It was all well-intended but no longer attractive to me.

It was time to grow from my own experiences.  As a trusted individual pointed out to me, “…the big learning you came here for”.

 

Photo by SerrNovik/iStock / Getty Images

Sometimes I still need reminders to stand in my own power.  Just last year I had an awkward meeting that served as a friendly reminder to stop comparing!  It involved a new acquaintance who thought we’d have a lot to talk about.

How was it that after that meeting, I went home to have lunch with my husband and started to cry into my salad?  My confused husband gently asking how can you meet someone for an hour and come home crying?   That made me laugh and now I was laughing+crying+eating.

What had bugged me about that encounter was the more she shared her amazing man-person-legs-grassdramatic mystical experiences, the more I started to feel un-terrific, uninteresting, un-special, and fell right back into comparison mode.

I realized that after she shared all her numerous incredibly incredible fantastic mystical experiences, she had shared details about her life.  And I got it.  Her actual everyday life didn’t match her amazing stories at all.

She would have benefited more from compassion rather than envy.  I would have benefited from seeing the connection more clearly rather than making it about who I thought I wasn’t.

Do you ever bring yourself or anyone else up short, based on a lot of nothing?  Perhaps it’s about the size of one’s office, or the title they have, or recognition they’ve received, or vacation they’re taking.  Comparing ourselves to others, it’s not great right?  All day long we have opportunities to compare but those are the same opportunities to see non-comparatively and stay in our own power.

Cool stories or not, what matters the most to me is how I experience my life, and how good it feels.  That’s the “more” to my story because that’s what’s more important to me.