Trying to Resist Vulnerability

This week’s WordPress word prompt is resist.   Something I know about because I do it every day, several times a day.  Recently I’m trying to approach my passion more like a job.  I’m organizing my time to reach out to various organizations to see if I can share with them what I’ve learned.  To share about living with more awareness and working with a higher energy and how it assists me so beautifully.  To show just how dramatically one’s life can shift as a result to beginning looking at oneself and practicing new habits, behaviors, and thoughts. And how I feel this directly impacts the world.  I’m good with all of that…just not the reaching out part.  I feel vulnerable.

There are many incredible organizations out there and all it takes is contacting them.  But I resist.  I know I’ll be rejected sometimes and I know some will say ‘yes’.  And, still I resist.  Even though I’ve been personally encouraged to step boldly forward and assured that I’m in alignment with my purpose, I still hold back.  Mostly I resist because I’m stuck on how to reach out.  What do I say?  How do I frame myself?  What are my first words of introduction?  Ugh, please don’t tell me to create an elevator speech.  I will not come up with an elevator speech.  No way.  That’s ok for my previous career but not this new direction I’m so excited about. Nope, uh-uh, no.  My words can be spontaneous.  However at this point, spontaneous means tripping over my words.  More vulnerability.

I hold back by running an errand, writing this blog post, taking measurements for a chair, looking for tile, looking in iPhoto for our best photos and ordering them so we can frame and hang them in our hallway.  All fun things to lose myself in but none come close to the passion I feel about my work.  I have abundant freedom where I can take the occasional break to go outside and enjoy the weather, even paint a little, or make a call, but then I really do need to go back to stepping boldly forward or I’m not creating what I’m excited about.  I literally feel myself being assisted and encouraged.  My guidance is so patient but, gratefully, it’s also persistent.  Get out there.  Be bold.  As Nike would say…Just Do It.  Have you noticed that many great brand taglines are also great inspirational sayings?  I can’t get away from marketing for a minute.  The Army beat me to Be All You Can Be.  The Army…jeesh!  But I digress.

Every time I phone someone, drop by their business to drop off my information, or send a proposal via email, I place myself in a vulnerable position and feel both excited and uncomfortable.  I don’t know about you but being vulnerable is not something I learned to be good at in my last career.  I didn’t get to practice that much.  Can you imagine my quarterly review at AOL where one of the guys suggests…Sara, I’d like to see just a little more vulnerability from you in our weekly team meetings.  Ha!  LOL as we used to say.  But strangely enough my vulnerability complements me if I let it.  It’s me.  It’s in my story, it shows up as I allow myself to be seen…it’s the parts of me that are kind, caring, thoughtful, compassionate, also awkward, unsure and afraid.  How ’bout I resist less, Think Different (thank you Apple), and pursue my dream, vulnerability and all.

Dave's Maine photos copy

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