I’ve been talking a bit about my talks. How much of a stretch it is for me to be seen. A stretch to be me and let others see me being me. To share a story, a life, some learnings, struggles, and how I’m creating this life I now appreciate and love. Talking about giving talks and actually giving more talks is very different. I’m happy to say a week ago I stepped up and put myself out there and shared a bit about myself at a very wonderful workshop that someone offers. She’s a lovely person and invited me and another person to lead activities and talk about ourselves, sharing ourselves. It was the perfect opportunity. Hopefully it was a great experience for those in attendance. For me, I met people that are looking to make changes in their lives. It’s a quality I admire and I honor them for the questions they’re asking. There were three of us leading activities and I still feel a connection with them and plan on seeing them again. There are so many incredible people out there…maybe everyone is? I’m hoping some connected with what I shared. For me I found myself really enjoying myself and felt extremely lighthearted. It was interesting to be aware of myself laughing and watching others really listening and laughing with me. As I left my house that morning I was more than a little nervous…and it would be a small group! My husband gave me a hug and said he was proud of me and off I went. I’m becoming very tired of being scared so I look at what the fear might be about. The fear is the same old belief that lurks. I shine light on it and realize it’s not true. The next time I feel it lurking it’s smaller still, and I’ll keep shining light on this old belief until it’s gone. It’s so not worth it to let old thoughts keep me from having interesting, positive, even exciting experiences, a life beyond what I can imagine. Nothing happens if I stay here and wonder what could be. I’m turning on my light.
While I usually always make time for yoga every morning I’ve not been doing this in the evening before bed. But some nice stretches always relax me and set a nice tone before sleeping. So tonight I’m doing just that, resurrecting this good habit again. There are many poses I’m careful of so as not to hurt my knees or aggravate my hip issues. But after walking around all day, by night time I’m way more limber than the mornings and can even touch my toes down behind my head for a nice stretch. I feel like quite the yoga meister. So I set my Pandora to a favorite station to wind down from the fun of the day. No James Brown for night time. This morning, through Pandora I discovered the song, In Reverence, by David Tolk, a strings and piano piece and I immediately bought it on iTunes. It’s only four minutes or so…way too short for such a beautiful piece. Tonight I’m playing it over and over and over wishing it never ends. This is the song I hope I hear in my head when I wake up. That’s a request to my divine support as I sometimes wake up with the gift of a song in my head. I’m playing it just one more time and then heading off to bed.
This week’s WordPress photo challenge theme is Local…to show what local means to us and where our heart is. For me, it’s the Chesapeake Bay, our local playground in this area. I first explored the Bay as an option to get my beloved water fix more locally, rather than flying and driving up to New York state in the 1000 Islands. After spending every summer as a child and then most weekends all through my adulthood, I was losing steam to travel that far to be on the water for two to three days every other weekend. I sold my powerboat and tried my hand at sailing on the Bay. As a result, I met my husband on the Bay. Life has some very nice surprises. Just over a year ago, because the Bay means so much to us, we had our wedding ceremony and reception at The Chesapeake Bay Foundation’s beautiful headquarters. That’s our sailboat over my shoulder because of course we spent our honeymoon on the Bay.
One of our favorite places on the Bay (and there are many), is Hudson Creek on the Little Choptank River, shown in the photos below. It’s lovely and quiet and we drop anchor to stay and spend a couple of days or so there. In one of the photos you’ll see how it looks in bad weather. We battened down the hatches for that one but it ended up being a non-event.
One day we spent way too long in our dingy in search of a windmill that we read about in our Bay Cruising Guide. Gee willikers our bottoms were sore that day. When we got to the “windmill”, we said that’s it?! …and turned around, cursing the Cruising Guide, as we imagined the locals giggling “here comes another one”. We have a lot of adventures on the Bay and this weekly photo challenge makes me want to tell some sailing stories. Stay tuned.
Here’s to all the speakers, like me, who are still scared to speak in front of others. And here’s to all the writers, also like me, who are not polished to the point that everything just flows and the reader perfectly understands what we’re conveying. Here’s to all the artists, like me, who still paint or take photos, regardless of how “good” we are. We are good enough. It’s art, someone will love it, but that doesn’t even matter as long as we enjoyed creating it and we see something there. And, here’s to all the women in my age group who have brains that often can’t find the word they’re looking for. Often we forget our train of thought and have to look to our husband with a look that begs, oh please help me out here, to finish our sentence for us. To those of us who have dark circles under our eyes because we wake up with hip pain, or can’t fall asleep because of restless leg syndrome, or we frequently alternate between hot and cold. We take care of ourselves and we still look tired. It’s not our fault. And, it’s not our fault that our hair is falling out. We don’t whine (maybe a little). We just make adjustments such as the clever comb over to hide our thin spots. When it works, it looks pretty good.
We are good enough. In fact, we’re amazing! And, we love our brains, thank you. We’re smart, talented, have lots to say, something to show who we are, and ideas that need to be shared. Most importantly, we feel that our hearts will wither and our light will dim if we don’t begin to share our humanity.
So I’ll keep on taking risks, sometimes stammering when I wish I was articulate, sometimes hitting a good patch of beautiful words and eloquently conveying a sentiment that comes from my heart. Whoopie! Here’s to seeing some of my friends, family members and loved one’s embarrassment for me as I strive to take steps. Worse yet, their disinterest. Here’s to hearing their words “I cringe for you” and still getting up every day to take more steps towards bringing my life more alive. Here’s to every negative Nelly, those playing it safe and all mainstream lovers…I understand you. I get it. I love you anyways my friend. Here’s to feeling your assumptions, being misunderstood, and releasing any resentment towards you. I love you.
Just don’t expect me to pick up the phone when you call. And you might not want to wait for my call. I live in another space now and I’m happy here, being imperfectly perfectly me. I could stop what I’m doing and join you in your space…but I’ll most likely be too wrapped up in being the incredible me that is living my beautiful adventurous life, one moment at a time.
Not too long after I started this blog I wrote a post titled No News Is Good News. Until recently, I successfully let go of a long-standing habit of being wrapped up in the news. I had let it inform my disposition, thoughts, beliefs, and my emotions. Letting it disappear from my day allowed me more opportunities for hope and inspiration. Family news, news about musicians coming to my town, friend’s news, inspiring news… that’s the news I choose to keep in my life. But for a few weeks I’ve been ramping up my time watching all things election. Before I knew it, a minute here or there became watching part of a news show, then an entire news show, a debate and watching the election “experts” post-show summaries. Last night after hearing endless reasons why the person I already know I don’t want elected to office, should not be elected to office, I was done. Watching and commenting on someone’s bad behavior is just as appalling as the bad behavior being discussed. Calling anyone names, even calling the name caller a name, isn’t helping. I don’t need to listen to endless reasons not to vote for who I don’t want to vote for. How much poop does anyone really need to know? Just vote. Don’t trash. Don’t run down someone. Just vote. But don’t expect miracles. Let’s look at the bigger picture. Doesn’t big change and miracles get created by each of us? Last night as I walked away from the talking heads running down various characters, I said over my shoulder to the nice person I left on the couch, that to me, the bigger picture is who we are. How do we want to conduct ourselves? How do we want to feel? If we practice living from a higher perspective won’t most of the issues covered by the news disappear? That’s my belief. Given the current election, and it may seem cavalier to ask this, but will electing a President of our country solve what we’re truly looking to experience for ourselves? And not just for our country but for our world? All of mankind? As far as I can tell, if we want to experience a huge shift in our neighborhood or the world, it’s up to each of us. There’s no religious deity (living or dead), no candidate or person in power, no guru…that can take us where we’re capable of going. We’re creating what is and what could be. It’s us.