As I’ve said before spirituality takes on so many different meanings to so many. It feels right to me that spirituality takes on a personal and unique meaning for everyone. What it means to me may not jive with someone else. I’ve often heard ‘it’s about the journey’ and I’m all in on that sentiment, however airy it sounds. The journey, or my walk, is everywhere and all day long. We’re in the middle of a kitchen project. Yesterday as my husband was perched on the side of the bathtub washing dishes and I was sitting on top of the toilet cover ready with my dish towel to dry, I was experiencing a wonderful moment between us…over dirty dishes while sitting on a toilet cover. And all the work my husband is doing using his own hands to renovate our house is fun for him. These might be his moments but they become some of my moments too because I love seeing him feel good. Our back porch looks like a volcano of gray ash exploded and I still couldn’t be happier. Watering our new trees and shrubs, and enjoying how well everything is growing, offers me another moment. And, yesterday, I went on my favorite hiking trail and had a glimpse of white tail deer running through a glade. Waking up most mornings without even trying to be grateful and joyful, because it just happens now. To me, everyone is a spiritual being, regardless of how they’re behaving. I’m conscious of many, many moments, on a daily basis, that I would define as spiritual and these moments aren’t just around being “good”. Being a spiritual being is constant. There’s no on or off time, depending on what I’m doing or whether I’m at my best or not so much at my best. What’s nice is that because of becoming more conscious of my thoughts, actions and who and what I surround myself with, more and more of my life feels good. Lucky me right? No, I worked my bum off to get to this place and it’s so worth it that I’m still at it. Not being provocative here but…it’s all about me, valuing and taking care of myself. I don’t get spun up and outraged about the news and the state of our world. A negative and complaining state of mind doesn’t help me and just perpetuates more negativity and feelings of hopelessness. Therefore, I could care less about what a weird political candidate is saying. I don’t spend a lot of time wringing my hands over the latest current event. Instead, I care more about what are my thoughts, words, habits, and actions I’m taking. That’s one way to make a positive contribution. As my view of myself changes, my world view shifts. And inspiration appears. If I look around, past negativity, I can see many positive shifts in the world. My personal version of spirituality has nothing to do with religion. It’s not about what someone said or taught thousands of years ago. It’s not about being a saint. Nor is it me sitting or standing in a wanna be sacred building and repeating what someone else suggests I should say or think. The way I see it, is that I’m unique, so shouldn’t my own spiritual experience be unique? To me, it’s what I choose to put out to the world and everything I create and experience on my own walk through this lifetime.
We moved into our house a few months ago, and while it’s a very positive change, I still felt a bit off. My usual habits were no more. I was used to walking through a nature center near to where I lived. I’d spend time on my favorite benches watching the deer and other wildlife and I looked forward to and truly loved my walks. My gym was nearby and I’d take the best cycling classes with instructors that happened to play great music. I had my art classes to go to and a friend or two to meet for dinner. My meetup met at my home. I loved my view of the wooded lake I lived on. I do feel I eeked out every drop of the area I lived in, taking advantage of everything it offered. It was all nice but it was time to start a new phase in my life. I got married, we sold our homes and bought a unique home together. I can hardly believe all that has happened over these past few years. So much is coming my way it’s a bit mind blowing when I pause to review. Anyway, I now live here and what could be better than this incredible home with all it’s windows looking at my favorite view of trees, many, many, trees. We see fox, all sorts of woodpeckers and many other birds, once in a while deer. No longer blue herons and geese that frequented the lake I lived on, but we can always see them on the Bay. After taking my time settling in, I’m finally enjoying this now as our home, instead of feeling like I’m living in the house of the people that used to live here. For weeks, I couldn’t shake the feelings I had of how much they had loved this home and how difficult it was for them to leave. From replacing their mailbox to many other changes, I felt weird every time we made a change. I finally wrote the previous owners a note, mainly feeling a connection to the woman. I told them how grateful we were they sold us the home (they had a choice) and how much it means to us. She wrote back a lovely note that I keep on my desk. I feel she needed to know how much we love this place and that they had made a good choice in selling to us. Now I’m enjoying my “special room” I call it…that is my beautiful studio, office, yoga, mediation, whatever I love doing room. When I lie on my yoga mat I look up at a skylight with a white clay bird we hung up there and can see the clouds going by. On a shelf I keep feathers, stones, acorns, shells, crystals, an old bird nest, deer antlers…whatever I’ve collected on my walks. There’s always a painting I’m noodling with. And I started walking through the woods behind our house that feels especially special. Technically it’s private property but bite me. We live next to a wooded ravine and a small path winds up behind the house, around the ravine, and into a glade of sorts. Trees, trees, trees. And driving around we found a biking/hiking trail just 10 minutes away that is amazing to walk. Between the walking and the gym I joined near to our home I’m feeling more balanced about things. My hips and knees had really started to hurt after we moved in and partly I think because I wasn’t exercising or giving myself the outdoors that I love. Whatever, the pain is almost completely gone. We live in this home now, and we’ll take care of it and love it, until it’s someone else’s turn. And no matter what, I’ll always need to be outdoors, whether on our little sailboat, up at our family cabin in the 1000 Islands, walking here and there, or just sitting looking at trees.
This past week I had a dream with a celebrity in it. Not usual at all for me. But this was someone who wrote many books and two or so that I read in my 20’s or 30’s and really enjoyed. At some point along the years, I shut down a bit, went in a different direction, and stopped opening to some of the concepts that felt so right to me. That changed many years ago and I’m no longer shutting down on my beliefs any longer. A few days ago I found one of her older books that I’d never read. A book that talks about things I now experience and completely believe in. I still want to read it. Maybe that’s why she popped into my dream this week. She gave me one sentence of advice that I remember repeating twice in the dream so I wouldn’t forget it. And then I woke up later, remembered the dream, but not much about the advice. Ah well. I’m not even sure it was really her but instead perhaps my guidance using her image to give me a message. Nice…sure wish I could remember it.
Funny, just a few days after my recent success, I do a small face plant. I did ask for more experiences where I could practice and I received it quickly. And it is a practice. A practice of looking at myself. Sparing the small drama which is of no importance, I’ll just say there was no unconditional love or seeing as clear as I would like. This is a different relationship, also with years of history. Lots of recurring behaviors that will keep recurring until we both shift or at least one of us does. I really wanted to ace this but I can’t use just logic to get there. I think of my stuff as buried treasure inside me. When I find it and become clearer about it I can release what I can. And I uncover more of myself each time I release something I’m ready to let go of. When I experience myself differently than I do now, I know this relationship will change too. In the meantime, I’ll be asking my divine intuition for assistance in finding more of my buried treasure.
My relationships are a big way for me to learn, to become more clear, live more consciously and experience unconditional love. Everything including the kitchen sink could go in that sentence. Based on all the shifts and new behaviors, and thoughts I have, I’m experiencing some of my relationships changing for the better. The relationships that don’t, no longer feel right to me and fade away. I’ve looked at myself and continue to do some work around myself and all of my perceptions, habits, beliefs, and behaviors. I get to experience the benefit of this work when around my longer term relationships. Recently, I noticed that a person who has been in my life, for a very long time, is vulnerable. I feel their vulnerability and restlessness for the first time rather than perceiving them as I usually do. My usual fear of not being enough for them no longer fits. I used to always experience people experiencing me, but using my own poor perceptions of myself. And when I wasn’t feeling good about myself, I invented negative perceptions about the other person. I give myself a break because it was challenging to maintain a healthy self-image and lightness around all the heaviness that I was exposed to. And I took those habits out to adulthood. It’s nice to no longer have a need for a dialog of my insecurities yammering away in my ear, or to invent a list of someone’s shortcomings. It’s a big party in my heart because this is an important relationship to me. Feeling pretty great about this development, while meditating, I visualize releasing my old thoughts and perceptions, going back for many, many years, to the highest form of light and this always works well for me. I’m learning to use my imagination to tap into a dimension that’s available to me and always there and assisting. When ready, I plan on releasing more. I start thinking of the possibilities in my other relationships. I ask for more experiences where I can see more clearly and let go of old perceptions. It will happen when it’s best for me, and best for the other person,…no sooner, no later.