Bright and Shiny Objects

It’s been easy to be attracted to bright and shiny objects as I look for more fulfillment in my life.  But as I learned after living most of my lifetime, is that shiny objects offer hollow promises and a short cut to feeling temporarily better…instead of pursuing the more squirm-worthy, but valuable and braver act, of looking at myself for more long-term benefits.  Workshops used to be one of my shiny objects.  I absolutely love learning, and I remember practically skipping to any and all workshops about spirituality.  Years ago I had two parts, the corporate girl and the extremely open minded somewhat funky girl (to me anyway).  And I was a master at keeping my different interests compartmentalized.  I catch myself still doing a little of this around friends and family, but that’s a subject for another blog entry.  Anyway, the workshops I gravitated to back then taught meditation techniques (and I already knew how to meditate but the perfectionist in me wanted to do it really well), the uses for essential oils (I now own a gazillion bottles and hardly use them), or how to align with one’s highest self through accessing the tiny space of one’s heart while opening our merkabas.  This last one was utter bunk and just as complicated as it sounded, fraught with hypocrisy, and one surprisingly negative video.  There was no pony to be found in that workshop.  It was at that point, that particular kind of learning started to lose it’s shine.  But wait there’s more…I’d already signed up for the one where we all rolled around on the floor with our eyes closed (me peeking once in a while to make sure everyone hadn’t rolled off for lunch).  I’ve long since forgotten what the purpose of that one was.  Over my lifetime many shiny objects have decorated my life, from renovating my living space, advancing my career, taking vacations, to buying things.  Some shiny objects are fun and gratifying and nothing wrong with that.  But some are convenient distractions for me to take a longer road to where I really want to go.  I’m becoming aware which is which.  It’s no longer easier to stay in the mainstream.  I need to do my own thing now, and there are no shiny objects attached to it to dazzle people with.  It’s just as well because my experience is that when most shiny objects lose their luster, there’s just me standing there.  Yikes…I’m the whoopteedoo shiny thing I was looking for.  At the time, that was unbelievable for someone who felt worthless most of the time.  Now that I no longer feel that way about myself, I’m creating my own definition of what really feels good to me, and it isn’t necessarily what other people will be dazzled by or understand. I’ll always be able to converse with someone about our mutual mainstream interests.  There are those conversation topics I can become temporarily engaged with, but, after a point, I’m truly and utterly bored…  There are so many amazing things I’m experiencing and learning about that are so much more interesting to me.  I do know this…that any shiny object I pursue eventually leads me back to myself.

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