Coming Out

I used to tell myself my spirituality was a private thing and no one’s business. But here’s the problem with that thinking. It’s impossible to practice my spirituality while hiding. Not allowing others to see what truly interests me isn’t me being spiritual at all. In other words, not allowing my friends, family or anyone to really know me is just holding myself back from living a genuine life.
So I’m still not completely walking my talk. I’m beginning to deliver talks on spirituality, to empower ourselves to effect change in our own lives. Yet every time someone asks for an update on my life, I chicken out. I leave out a big part of what I’m doing, how I’m living, and especially what my intentions are.  It’s because my new direction is not mainstream.  Explaining to anyone, let alone my financial advisor, that I no longer wanted to go to the office anymore was not so easy.  “Oh, hmmm no, I want to leave my career.  My work will be in spirituality”.  When I tell people, usually after counting to nearly three-Mississippi, I get two reactions, one expression looks a bit frightened and the other looks somewhat supportive.  The thing is…spirituality means different things to different people.  And I have no idea what connotation any one person has.  Whatever. It is what it is.  I’m doing this and I’m trying not to feel like I have to defend myself.  Working in the mainstream bored me to tears.  It really did.  Titles, offices, politics, business trips, quarterly All-Hands meetings, quarterly layoffs, tshirts for morale…
How am I beginning?  Starting this blog is one step even if I did configure the settings so that not too many people will actually find it.  What if someone reads the blog I’m writing?  How ridiculous is that thought?  Hard to believe I worked in advertising/marketing for just about half of my life.  At this point, I’m only practicing sharing my thoughts and ideas.  I’m practicing writing and speaking without trying to self-edit myself to mainstream-ish-ness.  I’m practicing not trying to fit in by watering myself down.  As I become more clear what the next step is I can turn up the volume, so to speak.  It’s so refreshing that my next step, after the next step, is unknown.  I’m learning so much and I’m meeting people whose lives are in a similar place and we’re supporting each other.  I have no real plan, no strategy, no tactics, no business model…just me figuring it out as I go, and that’s the best part.  My choices are to hold back, live smaller and predictably, or live in a way that interests me.  So I’m not going to worry too much about what anyone thinks.  Good, bad, or indifferent.

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